I am a daughter, girlfriend, niece, cousin and friend. But my favorite title is sister. To me, being a sister means being a best friend, cheerleader, shrink, mind reader, doubter, dream sharer, memory keeper, rival, defense attorney, challenger, protecter and keeper of secrets.
It means being whatever she needs you to be, whenever she needs you, whether she realizes it or not. It means that only you are allowed to pick on her and if anyone messes with her, you have to kill 'em. It means teaching her how to be sneaky, do a flip on the trampoline, wear makeup and how to drive a clutch. It means knowing exactly how to cheer her up on stupid days. It means giggling til 3 in the morning. It means whats hers is yours and vice versa, including her half chewed gum. It means talking all night about mom and dad, friends at school or the boys of summer. It means stealing clothes and wearing a sweatshirt all day so she won't notice. It means learning the hard way that girls are bitches, mom and dad are always right and any other best friends will be slightly less best than that girl you call sister. It means saving your pennies for gas money so you can find that back road where you feel like the only two in the world. It means never giving up hope. It means being together every step of the way. It means fighting for her when she can't fight for herself. It means unconditional love and it means missing you like crazy, Kiz.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Off Like a Prom Dress
There were 3 important proms last night! Kenzie went to the Class C prom, Katie held the adult prom in Roundup and Madison had prom in South Dakota! Time for pictures:
Kenzie and Amy
Kenzie and Morgan
Kenzie and Brittany
Adult Prom
The one who made it all happen: Katie
Madison's Prom
Kenzie's birthday present!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Holy April!
This month has been crazy! I was in Montana for a week, I came back to work for a week, Kenzie’s 1st prom is tonight, adult prom in Roundup tonight, work 2 days next week, Starr’s parents come on Friday, graduation is Saturday and then her parents leave Sunday. Go, go, go! I can’t wait for May!
Kenzie’s birthday will be bittersweet. She is having a birthday party and someone really great got her a 10 week old border collie! (Thanks Dana!) It will be so good for her to finally be around her friends and the familiar voices. I can’t wait for them to start visiting more. There is all that excitement but in the back of my mind I am thinking about how even though she is seventeen, she won’t be able to go through all those experiences that a girl should go through at seventeen. Happy Birthday, Kiz! I love you!
Starr is finally graduating! She will have her bachelor’s in Social Work and Psychology. She works hard and goes above beyond in order to be the very best. I’m so proud of her! Not everyone’s significant other can inspire them the way that Starr inspires me, for that (among many other reasons) I’m a very lucky girl. I am excited for her to have a break and actually have time to do things she loves! Congratulations babe! I love you!
Katie is putting on the adult prom tonight, I can’t wait for tomorrow when I get to see pictures of everyone in their dresses on Facebook! Katie has been so great to us and has made my parents like 100 times easier. It is because of her that they are able to be there for her every single day. Her support, willingness, determination and her huge heart are all things I admire. (Plus, she’s pretty hot.) Thank you! I love you!
Kenzie’s birthday will be bittersweet. She is having a birthday party and someone really great got her a 10 week old border collie! (Thanks Dana!) It will be so good for her to finally be around her friends and the familiar voices. I can’t wait for them to start visiting more. There is all that excitement but in the back of my mind I am thinking about how even though she is seventeen, she won’t be able to go through all those experiences that a girl should go through at seventeen. Happy Birthday, Kiz! I love you!
Starr is finally graduating! She will have her bachelor’s in Social Work and Psychology. She works hard and goes above beyond in order to be the very best. I’m so proud of her! Not everyone’s significant other can inspire them the way that Starr inspires me, for that (among many other reasons) I’m a very lucky girl. I am excited for her to have a break and actually have time to do things she loves! Congratulations babe! I love you!
Katie is putting on the adult prom tonight, I can’t wait for tomorrow when I get to see pictures of everyone in their dresses on Facebook! Katie has been so great to us and has made my parents like 100 times easier. It is because of her that they are able to be there for her every single day. Her support, willingness, determination and her huge heart are all things I admire. (Plus, she’s pretty hot.) Thank you! I love you!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
And There It Is...
"Acceptance is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest or exit. “
I haven't talked to anyone about this because I need to write it out and figure out exactly how I feel and I express myself best through writing. I have come to terms with the accident, I have finally hit the last stage of the grieving process.
It’s been a long, hard, bumpy road. There have been people that have helped and people who have just pissed me the fuck off. The thing about grieving is that no one can get you through it. It is all on you; it’s such a personal and singular experience. No one can change the way you feel. No one can take that hurt away. But they can support you, they can help you sort through all those crazy ideas and thoughts, they can be a sounding board and they can love you.
After self reflection and soul searching, I have accepted that everything happens for a reason. That really sucks, and even if I might not like it or know the reason behind it, it happened because it was supposed to happen. I refuse to believe that she hasn’t stopped breathing and her heart hasn’t stop beating but there is no reason. I might not believe in God, but I do believe in Kenzie. She is alive for a purpose and she must have something really great in store for her.
I still cry because I miss the Kenzie that she used to be, but I'll always miss her. I'll have to live with that forever. But I realized that the part of me that was missing her and wanting my old life back is holding me back from living my new life. Everything has changed, I need to change with it. Even if I cry every day, it isn't going to change anything. Even if I stay in bed, the world keeps turning. Kenzie keeps living, so why shouldn’t I? I am done feeling sorry for myself. What kind of big sister would I be if I set that example for Kenzie? I want her to heal, so I will too.
Being home did so much for me, it gave me that inner peace that I haven’t had since the accident. All of the sudden I had this moment where my brain just said, “I will be okay.” Sure, I get emotional. I’m an emotional girl. I can’t do anything with half my heart. I’m protective of Kenzie, she’s my little sister. If people don’t treat her the way she should be treated then I’ll let them know, I’ll call you on your shit. If you don’t have any shit, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm not mad at the accident, I'm mad at everyone's behavior following the accident. I'm mad that strangers have done more than Kenzie's 'best friends' have. So if I do rage, it's because of behavior, not the act itself.
I haven't talked to anyone about this because I need to write it out and figure out exactly how I feel and I express myself best through writing. I have come to terms with the accident, I have finally hit the last stage of the grieving process.
It’s been a long, hard, bumpy road. There have been people that have helped and people who have just pissed me the fuck off. The thing about grieving is that no one can get you through it. It is all on you; it’s such a personal and singular experience. No one can change the way you feel. No one can take that hurt away. But they can support you, they can help you sort through all those crazy ideas and thoughts, they can be a sounding board and they can love you.
After self reflection and soul searching, I have accepted that everything happens for a reason. That really sucks, and even if I might not like it or know the reason behind it, it happened because it was supposed to happen. I refuse to believe that she hasn’t stopped breathing and her heart hasn’t stop beating but there is no reason. I might not believe in God, but I do believe in Kenzie. She is alive for a purpose and she must have something really great in store for her.
I still cry because I miss the Kenzie that she used to be, but I'll always miss her. I'll have to live with that forever. But I realized that the part of me that was missing her and wanting my old life back is holding me back from living my new life. Everything has changed, I need to change with it. Even if I cry every day, it isn't going to change anything. Even if I stay in bed, the world keeps turning. Kenzie keeps living, so why shouldn’t I? I am done feeling sorry for myself. What kind of big sister would I be if I set that example for Kenzie? I want her to heal, so I will too.
Being home did so much for me, it gave me that inner peace that I haven’t had since the accident. All of the sudden I had this moment where my brain just said, “I will be okay.” Sure, I get emotional. I’m an emotional girl. I can’t do anything with half my heart. I’m protective of Kenzie, she’s my little sister. If people don’t treat her the way she should be treated then I’ll let them know, I’ll call you on your shit. If you don’t have any shit, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm not mad at the accident, I'm mad at everyone's behavior following the accident. I'm mad that strangers have done more than Kenzie's 'best friends' have. So if I do rage, it's because of behavior, not the act itself.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Bitches Ain't Shit But Hoes And Tricks
This going to be a vent. That's your warning. If you don't like those, then stop reading please.
Girls that constantly talk about what 'best' friends they are with Kenzie piss me off. No one can say that except Brook. Because she's the only girl who's been to see Kenzie since she's been home and her and her family have visited Kenzie in the hospital, nursing home, and the house. There are some girls that talk about how much they miss her, if you miss her go see her. Quit talking about it and do it. You were there for her when it was convenient, not when the going got tough. So quit talking about how hard it is on you.
You know who it's the toughest on? My parents. You know who suck it up and deal with it? My parents. So I'm sorry if you can't handle seeing her the way she is now. But if you have a problem with it, suck it up and get over it or stop pretending to be her friend. Strangers have been a better friend to her then you have in the past 9 months. That's no ones fault but your own. If you think this is about you then it probably is. Stop being such a shitty person.
Girls that constantly talk about what 'best' friends they are with Kenzie piss me off. No one can say that except Brook. Because she's the only girl who's been to see Kenzie since she's been home and her and her family have visited Kenzie in the hospital, nursing home, and the house. There are some girls that talk about how much they miss her, if you miss her go see her. Quit talking about it and do it. You were there for her when it was convenient, not when the going got tough. So quit talking about how hard it is on you.
You know who it's the toughest on? My parents. You know who suck it up and deal with it? My parents. So I'm sorry if you can't handle seeing her the way she is now. But if you have a problem with it, suck it up and get over it or stop pretending to be her friend. Strangers have been a better friend to her then you have in the past 9 months. That's no ones fault but your own. If you think this is about you then it probably is. Stop being such a shitty person.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Finally Together
I'm home! I've been home since Monday. Everything feels so right with the four of us under one roof. Kenzie got her new wheelchair and it makes everything easier, just yesterday we were dancing in the kitchen. The dogs both sleep in her room every night and when she is in her chair the cats just climb on up onto her lap and love on her. The new house is beautiful ad we hoping that more of Kenzie's friends come visit. Only Brook has been up and Kenzie has been home for 3 weeks.
I have a few blogs to write but I don't wanna take away the energy I could spend with my family. (Crying makes me useless)
This week is the one year anniversary of so many things. It's the last time I picked her up from school to have lunch, the last time we hung out, the last time I heard her sing to me. Today is the last time I saw her. Today is also the one year anniversary of my life in Bismarck. Tomorrow is 15 for the woman and me. Keep an eye out for some tear-jerkers.
I have a few blogs to write but I don't wanna take away the energy I could spend with my family. (Crying makes me useless)
This week is the one year anniversary of so many things. It's the last time I picked her up from school to have lunch, the last time we hung out, the last time I heard her sing to me. Today is the last time I saw her. Today is also the one year anniversary of my life in Bismarck. Tomorrow is 15 for the woman and me. Keep an eye out for some tear-jerkers.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Bismarck Friends
I’m really excited about moving, so I talk about it a lot. I hate it when people take it personally that I’m moving. I moved here, to Bismarck, because it was what was best for my relationship. Now I’m moving to Lewistown because it’s what is best for me, my relationship and my family. I’m not doing it to piss anyone off or hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m doing it because I want to be there for my family, for Kenzie. If I could, I’d take my favorite people from here and bring them home with me. But I can’t. I know it moving probably won’t have a positive effect on my friendships in Bismarck. But I know that me living here doesn’t have a positive effect on them either, who wants to be friends with someone who is depressed and doesn’t want to do anything except be at home?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)