Home Is Where My Heart Is

As an extreme introvert and sufferer of social anxiety, I love being home. I would be perfectly happy staying home, 24/7, with my animals, occasionally venturing upstairs to visit my parents. (As long as Starr brought home Monsters and nail polish.) But life isn't perfect and I do have to leave the house, albeit rarely. Because I spend so much of my time at home I'm constantly adding to/changing my decor. We scored some really great items at the Chokecherry Festival earlier this month.

 We chose Brown seeing as it as it will be our shared last name by this time next year!

 A really cool window pane with a calendar that can be filled in with dry erase markers

that doubles as a coat hanger

And a few pictures of our bedroom because we got a new bed!

Next time you check in, this blog should have undergone a face lift! I'm working on Kenzie update blog, if anyone has any questions be sure to comment here or message me on Facebook and I'll include it in that blog post. 

Changes

I missed the anniversary! My blog turned 2 years old on August 17, 2013. My life and this blog have both changed so much in the past 2 years. I’ve gone through the grief process and come out on the other side: alive, but changed. The hardest part of the entire process was letting go of what I wanted my life to be like and accepting the life I was meant to live. The journey will probably never end, but I’m at a point where I’ve learned to cope and actually enjoy living.

This blog has changed from being somewhere I would come to let out anger, sadness and pain – to a place where I come to document small adventures, share all the crazy thoughts that cross my mind and share a little bit of my (not good) poetry. I’d like to write more daily blogs to get into the habit of being more open and to have documentation. Everyone remembers all the big moments, but it’s nice to look back at my previous posts and remember where I was, the things I did, and what I felt. So that’s what this blog is heading for!

A Little Love

Some exciting news! Starr and I filed domestic partnership paperwork last week! Woo! Because we live in Montana we don't really get any rights with it, I'm just able to be on her insurance that she receives through her new job. Today, we are going to fill out our medical power of attorney paperwork and get it notarized so we are protected if anything happens. It's important for everyone, especially committed same-sex couples to have a medical power of attorney, financial power attorney and living will. (A key example of what could happen: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1631465) Just another step in the journey of us! 

Last week we bought new (to us) furniture!

Starr and I had an entire "Girlfriend" weekend and stayed 

away from social media/texting for Saturday, Sunday and Monday. 

We hung out with the furbabes, cleaned and just hung out 

with one another- utter perfection.

I gave Starr a little something for her week ahead. 

And Starr brought me home a few surprises!

I quit chewing my nails this summer and she likes to bring home polishes and new things to try. 

Wouldn't be a blog without pictures of the animals!

I'm a lucky girl.

Thanks for reading! 

What was the highlight of YOUR week?

Good Place

It's been a while since I've posted an update blog! Summer 2013 was busy and full of travel. Starr and I went to Helena for my 21st birthday and our schedule was full. We did a boat tour at the Gates of the Mountains, a train tour of Helena, toured the Montana museum and did a short tour of the original governor's mansion. The next weekend we drove to Great Falls, meaning to go to the Kip Moore concert but we saw how short the lines were for the fair rides and ended up spending the evening running from ride to ride. We took a trip to Missoula and a trip to Billings around end of July/beginning of August, too. Starr got a new job and is now the Deputy Juvenile Probation Officer. She'll be finished at the club on Friday and start full time at her new job next Tuesday! Exciting!

As of August 10th Starr and I have lived in Montana for a year. It's been a year of change, that's for sure. But almost every change was for the better. I feel like a lot of growth has happened. Growing up is hard but finding yourself is worth it. I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing more, but after not writing for so long, I realized that writing in a setting like this makes your vulnerable. It's difficult to get back to that point of honesty, kind of feels like a muscle I haven't exercised. I'll play catch up with some pictures!
                                                                   On the Tilt-a-Whirl!

Walter's mad face

Ready for her 1st day! I told her to give me some sass.

My Day (Time)

1 o'clock is mundane, Books, background noise Polished nails

3 o'clock weighs heavy On the lids of my eyes, Caffeine, ticking clock

5 o'clock takes me home, To our bed where I belong Next to my sleeping love.

8 o'clock little spoon, big spoon Skin, blankets, hot breathe Perfect serenity

10 o'clock see you later Kisses linger on my sleepy mouth Chaste, but comforting

3 o'clock waiting, restless, eager For my half to become whole With her return

7 o'clock togetherness blankets us My heart is complete When she is close

9 o'clock goodnight Off to work, I'll miss you I love you, sleep well

11 o'clock preparing little sister For the night, sleep or not

Then and Now

happiness was

gravel roads, 

gossip at all hours,

vibrating speakers,

sneaking around,

being silly,

constant laughing,

no sleep,

happiness was

my best friend.

happiness is 

peaceful nights,

toothy grins,

her presence,

tiny miracles,

new life,

selfless love,

remembering moments,

happiness is

my best friend.

"I want all of you, forever, everyday."

STARR PROPOSED TO ME!

I know, I know. Finally, right?

Our love story started 5 years ago but we've been together consistently for the past 2.5 years. 

The top is us in beginning of 2008 and the bottom is us 2 weekends ago. (I had weird hair.)

Our engagement story:

Starr called me on her way home from work and asked if I wanted to go for a walk tonight without the dogs. We walk the dogs a lot and always follow the same path but instead of going on our usual route she wanted to go through the pasture. The view of the Moccasin Mountains from our pasture is amazing and it's one of my favorite places in the world; I always call them "my mountains". Well, all the horses had to be in our business and we were almost all the way through and she was just standing there. I kept telling her "Let's go, come on." And she kept saying "Come here." She was driving me crazy. So I walked towards her and she told me to close my eyes because she had a surprise. I was thinking she got me a candy bar or something like that. I opened my eyes and she was on one knee and she had the ring out and we were standing with a perfect view of my mountains. She said "Will you marry me?" And I said "Is this a joke, are you kidding?" Then I said "yes! Yes, yes!" and started crying... of course. 

My mountains

Pistol thought she was being soooo helpful.

The view was incredible!

More of my mountains.

We've had such awesome reactions from people, we couldn't have guessed we'd get so much support.

Starr's parents

Starr submitted our picture to Gay Marriage USA's Facebook page and we've gotten over 3,800 likes!

Then FCKH8 took the picture from them and posted it on their page! 

This prompted a message from a stranger:

Dear Starr and Kayla, 

You don't know me, but I saw your and Kayla's engagement picture and wanted to send congratulations your way. I grew up in Lewistown, in fact my parents and grandfather still live there. I left because as a gay man I thought it would be easier to find love and support elsewhere....I'm glad you didn't have to do the same. I hope you are finding most people in town to be supportive and if not, I wish you all the strength in the world to deal with them. Once again, congratulations and know that strangers out in this world are incredibly inspired and proud of you. Sometimes love takes way more bravery than it should have to.

Best wishes,

S

(I will not post his name here)

I know that at least for me, getting engaged to the girl I love was not about making a statement, it was not about being gay, it was not about anything said in the bible and it wasn't to steal anyone's thunder. It was about love. I love Starr more than I value peoples' negative opinions. I am proud of her and proud of our relationship. She's a rock star and our relationship is amazing. We have an awesome support system in Lewistown and through our extended families. It breaks my heart that people have had to deal with shitty people who are miserable enough to try to ruin someone else's happiness. There have been a few negative comments about this step we've taken but fuck those people. Only value the opinions from the people you value.

 I found my soul mate at age 15 and even though we've been down a rocky road and it hasn't always been easy, it has always been worth it. We have a healthy, happy and successful life together. We trust, respect and value each other. How lucky am I to have found someone so special, at such a young age?  

Here is our first picture as an engaged couple! 

I am so thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I've never known that it was possible to feel so sure of something before now. I'll always have her to keep me grounded when my head is in the clouds, to love me even on my worst days; to laugh with, day and in and day out. It's us against the world.