Back Talk

My favorite readers are the ones who come to me after my newest blog and tell me how it made them think or feel. I love when it gives them a connection to me, when something in the blog is similar to what they have gone through and it relates to something that happened at some point in their life. Although the reason I write is selfish. (I write to calm my mind and sort out what's going on up there.) It is awesome when something I have written impacts others.

Here are a few responses that I received from my “Bitches Ain’t Shit, But Hoes and Tricks” blog:

"I appreciate your last 'ranting' blog. It hurts when you print the truth! I hadn't met Kenzie for a lot of lame excuses... everything makes me bawl, and I didn't want to do that in front of Kenzie. Gotta tell you, I met her today and I thought my heart would explode. She is sooo beautiful. She has touched more lives than anymore will ever know. Although I am crying like a baby right now, I actually didn't do too bad when I went to meet her! Dr. Holmes tells me I have a 'way over-active sympathy nerve' and that is why I get so emotional. I always thought it is because I love people, and it kills me to think of anyone, especially a child, getting hurt. The day of her accident, I listened on the scanner, and cried and prayed my heart out for her. Sometimes, I have to turn off the scanner because I hate knowing there is nothing I can do to help. The downfalls of being a former EMT, I guess. I just feel a little more blessed by meeting her. Such a brave little girl. Love you guys. Hello to Starr!"

"... I'm speaking for myself right now and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't seen her. I'm so so sorry for that. I am scared and I know she's scared too. Yes I'm being selfish. Yes I'm a terrible friend and person for not going to see her when I so easily can. But that's it right there. i'm scared. I don't know how it's gonna go. I know I'm probably going to cry. A lot. I already have a shit ton since she's been home just thinking about going to see her! I do miss her! I miss her more than words can explain! As do all of you! I just can't put into words how I feel. I honestly can't. I want to go see her. I want to see her all the time. And like Kayla said, it might help to go with other people together. Which is exactly what's going to happen Monday for her birthday. I'm so sorry to you Kayla and your parents for not stepping up and just putting my big girl pants on and going to see Kiz. But it's gonna change. I swear to it. I love her so much and that's not gonna change. She's the most amazing girl I've ever met no matter what."

"Kayla, ya know, Jordan was right. I should be apologizing to you, your family, and Kenzie. I can't describe how dumb I feel for not. And I hope you know I wasn't directing those comments at you. I was having a horrible day as is and things got out of hand.. I apologize sincerely. You are very right. It was extremely childish and I feel horrible. I should not have sat there and made excuses.. I would have handled it a lot different if you would have confronted me about it instead of Rebecca. I am very sorry, and like I said in my posts.. I am very scared of this.. I don't want to cry in front of everyone and I don't want to see Kenzie in the state that she is in. I deal with things like this a lot differently from most.. and I wish I didn't. I envy you for being so strong through all of this. I wish I could be. And like Jordan, I am really hoping Monday will change that. I really am sorry and I do admit that I was completely out of hand yesterday.. Kayla, if you don't forgive me, I completely understand.. I just want another chance at making things right with you, and with Kenzie, and with your family."