What is a Friend?

What is a friend?

Before I start, I just want to add a disclaimer. My real and true friends can disregard this guest blog. For all means, continue to read on, but I don’t want them to think they are in any way, shape, or form who I am writing about today. I also want to add a disclaimer that I do not mean anything regarding the people that have been there through Facebook (Lewistown people that I haven’t gotten to know well yet; you know who you are) and I also do not mean anything regarding members of my or Kayla’s family. This is strictly about friends.

I have several people that I consider to be good friends, and I think they deserve a shout out. Kayla, Marsha, Robyn, Thomas, Steph, and Shawn: Thank you for everything. You are truly the reason that I am still here today. Thank you for understanding that I was just as effected in the last year as anyone else. Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for the daily text messages to make sure that I was ok. Thank you for caring enough to realize when I had too much on my plate. Thank you for showing me that there are good people in the world. Thank you for letting me breakdown and not expecting me to always be the strong one. Thank you for being there when no one else was. Thank you for understanding my side of life and recognizing that I was trying as hard as I could. Thank you for over and over again showing me that I was not alone. Thank you for letting actions speak louder than words. Thank you.

My mother and my grandmother have always say, “If you find a few good friends in life, you will be lucky”. I never understood that statement until recently. I used to think that I had a ton of friends that would be there for me no matter what and that I could trust them. I have had to learn the hard way, and I can honestly say that sometimes parents do know what they are talking about.

Can the term friend be defined by words or is it something that only actions can prove to be true? We always hear the saying, actions speak louder than words. As I think about life, there are very few people that show their friendships through actions. Most people can talk a big talk, but they can’t walk a true walk.

According to society, the word friend is defined as “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations”. When I think of what a friend is, those words do not come close to my own definition. To me, a friend should be someone that is there through good and bad; someone who accepts me, with flaws, and doesn’t judge me; someone that is there to laugh with me, but is also there to cry when the time comes; someone that is there for me, even if I don’t deserve it. A friend is someone that I can spend time with, sharing mutual interests. Someone to go on adventures with, be spontaneous with, get in trouble with, and someone to be crazy enough to go along with all those dumb stupid ideas I come up with.

Over the last year, I have learned a lot about friends. I have learned that some people who claimed to be friends dropped me when the going got tough. I have learned that some people were there for all the good times but when I was broken and shattered and need someone to lean on, they were not there. I learned that some people who claimed to be my friend wanted to be friends when I was there offering them support, but as soon as I was the one that needed some guidance, they were not there. I learned that some people were selfish and were only looking out for themselves. I have learned that although you can laugh and have a good time with someone, that doesn’t make them a friend. I learned that my definition of what a friend is, is a hell of a lot different than other peoples.

I have lost a lot of “friends” in my life in the past year. There were “friends” that dropped Kayla and I after the accident because we didn’t party and go out every weekend like we had before. There were “friends” that tried to tell me how to live my life. There were “friends” who thought they knew and understood what I was going through and expected me to just snap out of it. There were “friends” that said I had changed and they wanted the old “Starr” back. There were “friends” that were jealous of the relationship Kayla and I had and tried to break us up. There were “friends” that I had to drop because I no longer had anything in common with them; when they were talking about how they got drunk the night before or how pissed they were about the latest test, I was just trying to not forget how to breathe. There were “friends” that did not understand that I was struggling just to make it through each day. There were “friends” that expected Kayla and I to be people that we were not. There were “friends” that wanted be more than friends. There were “friends” that weren’t friends at all.

Today I was talking with someone that I highly respect, and we were talking about friends. During that conversation I came to the realization that there aren’t a lot of people out there that can be considered to be a real friend. I realized that a lot of times people mistake acquaintances for friends. I realized that there is a difference between a friendship and a healthy friendship. I realized I am thankful for the people in my life that I consider to be good friends and I am also thankful that I have let go the people that were “poison” in my life.

(Another disclaimer!) I am not claiming to be flawless or the perfect friend; I am just explaining my thoughts and trying to give some insight to what I have learned about friendship over the last year.

Written by: Girlfriend