Let's Set the Record Straight

Sometimes people are ridiculous. People who weren't my friends before the accident are all of the sudden my best friends without even knowing anything about me. These are some of the things my 'friends' say to me:

How is Kenzie?

Is she talking?

Is she awake?

I'm so glad she didn't die.

Don't lose hope.

God is going to heal her and she is going to come out of this and be the same girl, it will be like it never even happened. 

If you are my Facebook friend and you ask me how Kenzie is, I will probably delete you. Updates are posted on both prayer pages, my Facebook page and CaringBridge when anything happens. I really don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to say "Oh, she's good." She isn't good. She's sixteen years old and she lives in a nursing home. She can't scratch her nose, tell you where it hurts or laugh. She won't be at homecoming, she won't graduate from high school. She is fed through a feeding tube and she has a trach. But when I do answer that question honestly I get the "I'm sorry"s then an awkward silence. 

Of course Kenzie isn't talking. If she was, you'd know. We broadcast every little thing she does, do you think we'd keep that from people?

Kenzie has been awake for 2 months. She is in a vegetative state. That has been posted EVERYWHERE. Her eyes don't focus. We don't know what she can or can't see. 

For the people that say "At least she's alive" I hate you. My sister isn't alive, she lost her personality, every day of her life is going to be a struggle. The Kenzie that everyone knew is gone. Death is easier, because I have to grieve my sister and just when I think that I'm healed, I realize that she is still here. But she can't hug me or talk to me. Kenzie has extensive brain damage. No one fully recovers from a traumatic brain injury but they can make progress. That's what we hope for... progress. She won't ever be the same.

We have never given up hope. EVER. How could you possibly think that we could? We hope every day for more healing.

Sometimes people say things about me behind my back to my loved ones, I've heard of a few of them but the two that pissed me off the most were: "Kayla is doing all of this for attention" and "How is Kenzie? Be brutally honest." 

People can say whatever they want about me because the people that really love me know me. In July and August, I was doing Kenzie updates because people wanted to know, it's easier to post something on Facebook then to call all of my family and friends. I'm writing this blog for me, I write to release my feelings. It makes me feel better, and if someone reads it and it helps them with what they are feelings then even better. But it is not for everyone to say "Poor Kayla". That isn't what I'm looking for. It's for me to share with people how am I dealing with these life changes. It's my feelings, emotions, thoughts and dreams. I'm proud of it. You don't have to be and you don't have to read it. 

The second one is ridiculous. You don't even know Kenzie, if you want gossip you can go somewhere else. There are better things to talk about then my family's tragedy.