How Do You Deal With Your Crazy?

Starr and I had an awesome, deep, thought provoking conversation tonight on the drive home from work. We talked about how differently we each handle situations. Example:

Kayla: I'm my own worst enemy.
Starr: I'm my own best friend.

Kayla: When I'm having a breakdown, I need a babysitter.
Starr: When I'm having a breakdown, leave me the hell alone.

Kayla: I like to talk about my issues. Be it on Facebook, here or in person.
Starr: I keep my feelings bottled up inside.

Kayla: I trust everyone, instantly. Once that trust is broken, you won't get it back.
Starr: People have to earn my trust. Once you have it, it's hard to get back.

Kayla: Introvert who is very social.
Starr: Extrovert who is very isolated.

Now onto explain our madness...

Kayla: If left to my own devices, I will self destruct. I don't know why, it just happens. I go to extremes. I was left alone in Lewistown and I got drunk 4 out of 6 nights. I quit eating and I neglected my relationship. When it got the worst and I let my thoughts get the best of me I was contemplating suicide and I called Brook to come babysit me.

Communication is the most helpful coping skill for me. I rely on writing or talking to get my thoughts straight. I can usually work out whatever issue I'm having but I can not find a solution without letting it all out so I can see or hear it. My brain is a crazy, busy place to be. I love it when people write me talking about what a strong person I am because even if I can't see it... it feels great that other people perceive me that way.

I put my story, feelings and thoughts out there for everyone to see. I don't hold much back. I let my heart rest in their hands. I trust them to be respectful and compassionate with it. Sometimes it gets broken, but then its just a lesson learned. I remove them from my life and its over. It might take me a while, but I get over it.

Introvert who is very social. Weird sentence, right? I hate being around people that I am not 100% comfortable with. I would rather just lock myself in my apartment. If I'm home, its a different story. I would be around the people I love 24/7 if I could. There is no better feeling in the world to me than being content and happy with the people who love you and you love in return.

Starr: Kayla and I are complete opposites when it comes to coping. I mostly rely on myself, I stuff my feelings, and I expect to bring myself out of whatever slump I happen to be in. I have been through a lot in my 22 years of life, and one thing that I learned is that all I have is me. I have survived through a lot knowing that the world does keep spinning, and that no matter what happens tomorrow is probably going to come. The sun rises and the sun sets; time keeps ticking no matter how much we wish it would stop. 

When something goes wrong, my first reaction is to look inward. I want to be left alone and I want to think things through myself before I talk to anyone else. I am a realist, I am a very logical person, and things need to make sense to me. I have to find the answer to the question; I think that everything happens for a reason and I have to know the why behind things. This often causes a lot of problems, because as everyone knows, there are not always answers to everything that happens. 

Having this mind set leads me to worry a lot. I have anxiety and I over think everything. This is my main coping mechanism. Every second of every day my mind is full of thoughts, but I keep most of them to myself, and I don’t know what I would do without my thoughts. 

I am my own best friend because I love to be alone. I am the only person that I know that has always been there, hasn’t let me down, and has not hurt me, besides my parents. I learned at a very young age that if I wanted something to happen, I had to work toward it myself, and I couldn’t expect anything out of other people. I am very confident in myself, and I only have expectations for me. I learned to not expect things from other people because them you can’t get hurt. 

I don’t trust very easily, but if someone earns my trust, and I have invested myself in a friendship/relationship, it is really hard for me to let that go. I am always joking around and not very many people know the “real” me, and I use my sense of humor as a coping skill. I have pretty high walls, but once someone get past those walls, I have a hard time shutting them out again. I am an extrovert that is isolated because, I am a very outgoing person, and I will talk to anyone. I love spending time with other people, but there are only a select few that I open up to and are 100% myself around. 

Overall, I cope by relying on myself and no one else,  thinking logical about the situation, and knowing that after I have self analyzed everything the people I need to talk to are right there waiting. I also always remember that no matter what happens the world keeps spinning.