Being in Lewistown is bittersweet. It was my home for 19 years but now when I visit I see all the places Kenzie and I would go and those memories leave me feeling broken and empty. We covered so much ground that no matter where I go... it's gonna hurt.
I've stayed at the Lewistown house for a few nights and it feels haunted. I replay all the memories that were here. I look at the kitchen and I see her looking in the fridge and being pissed that we didn't have anything she wanted. I look at the living room and I see her sitting on the arm of the couch, giggling and singing along to whatever is playing on iTunes.
It's weird sitting here and it being so quiet. If this was a year ago Dad would be in his chair watching TV while mom is talking to Sandra on the phone in the bedroom and Kenzie and I would be begging to drive the loop. (They always told us yes as long as we fed the horses.) There would be dogs and cats everywhere, doors slamming, washer and dryer running. But today it's just me.
When I come home I spend a lot of time at the Zibells'. I call it my safe haven. They don't ask me stupid questions about Kenzie. They let me cry, laugh or anything in between. I don't have to pretend or be polite. Real people are hard to find and every one of them is amazing. That family saves me from myself when I'm here.
I love you, Kayla. I wish I knew more about how you're feeling. I wish I could meet Kenzie. I wish I had even the slightest clue. I wish I knew what to say to make anything just a little better. You're an amazing person for keeping yourself together as well as you have. Hugs and kisses. Can't wait to see you again.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you have a safe haven with the Zibells. I think everyone needs a place like that. YOU especially need a place like that during this chapter of your life.
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