Hurty Heart

Oh, how my heart is hurting today. It's the first day of school at Fergus and Kenzie should have been there. We should have gone school shopping, not nursing home shopping. She should be  looking for homecoming dress, not wearing a hospital gown. Today, I would have been in Bismarck, waiting for Kenzie to get out of school so I could hear all about it. She was really excited for FFA and her AG classes. Her friends would know how excited she was for those Senior boys to graduate so she wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. She would have missed her summer job, watching those Martin kids. But during the school year they come over every Wednesday. Kenzie would probably be tearing up the town this weekend, in Daddy's truck.

Momma would have spent the last few weeks getting her classroom ready. She LOVES her classes, as challenging as they may be. I know she misses her co-workers (they are great ladies! I would know, I worked there for 2 years) and the kids with her whole heart. I know it's hard for her to be away.

Okay, enough of the sad stuff. There are a few reasons I started this blog. One, this situation is a tragedy and it would be really easy for me to be mad at God, Erika and everyone who is still living a 'normal' life. It's an ongoing challenge, but my goal is for me to open up my heart, to everyone. (I'm still working on it. There are a few people that aren't welcome yet.) I don't want to grow up and be bitter. I want my heart to be full of hope, faith and love. It's going to take work, but it will be worth it. There are somedays when I can say "It happened, it sucked, how do we move forward." Sometimes its harder, usually when I'm being selfish and wanting Kenzie back for me.

Another reason I share is because, I want people to see how real it is. It isn't a movie or a book, it's our life, and while they may get to keep living their's, we don't. Hopefully someday, someone will read this who is going through a similar situation and maybe it will help them.