The choices you make today will impact your life whether you know that or not. Its crazy how something small can turn into something bigger in your life later on.
A lot of us are hurting right now and that hurt will never go away. Its crazy to think that even though we didn't make any of those choices that got us here it has impacted our lives in ways we will probably never ever fully understand.
A girl choose to go way to fast on a dirt road. Both girls choose to get in the car and not wear a seat belt.
Lives are ruined.
Now it matters how you deal with this.
I have been struggling for the past 6 months to forgive the driver. It was a struggle. I am still not impressed with a lot of choices she has made since then. But I have to let it go. Not for her sake but mine. The choices she is making right now will impact the rest of her life. I can only imagine how it haunts her when she least expects it.
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| sarah and I in grade school |
Sometimes I try to imagine sitting in the car with these girls. Driving on the dirt road with the music cranked up so loud you can't hear your own thoughts. Then all of sudden you feel the car start to lose control and next thing you know everything goes black..for Kenzie at least. I try to gather in my brain of how I would of reacted after the shock of the car not moving and realizing my car and life has just been turned upside down. Stuff spread all over and your best friend is no where to be seen or no where to be heard. You shoot her name and no response you find her and she isn't responding to you and she is cut up and bleeding and her face is torn. Now imagine you are 16.
As an adult it makes me sick. I imagine me driving and my friend Sarah being in the passengar. The rest of my life would of changed. I honestly don't think I could get in a car again after that..I think is the key word here.
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| Sarah and me at Prom our freshman year |
I can not be mad at the driver for what happened. I feel sorry for her and my heart also hurts for her.
Since the accident I have not gone out of my way to reach out to her. I do not know her at all. I have met her once. My first impression..not impressed
But needless to say I have to forgive her. As wrong as it may sound that I have held anything against her I did. It has taken me 6 months to actually fully forgive her.
Her punishment from the law may seem ridicioulous. But in my heart I think her punishment to herself must be the worst. And if it is not then I do feel sorry for her. Because someday when she matures and has a child and that child is driving on a dirt road I can only imagine the fears and nightmares she will have.
I can not imagine losing my best friend. If something would of happened to Sarah when we were in school my life would be completely different now.
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| Junior Year Prom |
Sarah has been a factor in a lot of the big choices I have made along the way. I can not imagine not having her voice in my life.
What I have learned about this is that it is way eaiser to be mad the hardest thing is letting things go and not being mad. Hate is really a strong word..but the emotion it carries is heavy on a heart and soul. Letting go of that emotion is more powerful then you will know.
-Cousin Katie
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You girls never cease to impress me. There is so much wisdom in this piece. I love how you put your emotions and feelings out there. I have to say that, getting to know you on FB and these blogs, makes me even more sad that I didn't get to know Kenzie. You Zarn women are amazing.
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