Friday, January 6, 2012

Meaningful Notes

Tonight I went through my messages on Facebook, emails and comments on my blog. I do read all of them, most of them I read and re-read, again and again. I haven't responded to some of them, usually because when I'm done reading them I'm bawling. Like a baby. Cause I'm ridiculous like that. 

So thank you to every one who has taken or continually take time out of their day to write to me. Even if I don't respond, I do appreciate it and I can't tell you how much those messages mean to me. A perfect example is yesterday. I wrote an angry blog and I was ready for the world to be pissed at me and tell me I was wrong. Instead I got a flood of messages from people who told me that they are thankful for what I write I've talked to the people that wrote to me and some of them said I could share what they wrote:

Ternes "I love you, Kayla. I wish I knew more about how you're feeling. I wish I could meet Kenzie. I wish I had even the slightest clue. I wish I knew what to say to make anything just a little better. You're an amazing person for keeping yourself together as well as you have. Hugs and kisses. Can't wait to see you again."


Starr "I do love you. More than you know, more than you will ever know, more than you see, more than you care. No matter what I am here. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks about it, I will fight till the end for you. No matter what you think, no matter what you say, no matter what you do you are not going to get rid of me. I am here to stay. I love you more than anything in the whole world. When you think you have no where else to turn i will be here, when you feel like you have no one to turn to I will be here, no matter what you think I will be standing right along side you. You are so special, and a better person than anyone I know. You are truly amazing even if you can't see it."

Kelsey "Kayla Zarn, I always read your blog. It helps me understand Kenzies situation. The last blog you did was amazing. simply heart warming and everything. I love seeing how much Kenzie and your family have healed and are in continues healing. Its pathetic that anyone think they have the right to tell you and your family they are making the wrong choice. how is it any of their business if it was there life they would understand. You are seriously my idol Kayla. You are one of the most strong women i know. 
happy holidays."

Kendra "Kayla
So, i know that we hardly know each other, and you've probably gotten a whole bunch of messages like this from other people, but i just wanted to let you know that i think you're freaking amazing.
This morning, i read every single one of your blog posts because i had missed a couple when you posted them.
I know there's no way i could possibly understand what you're going through, and honestly, i hope i never do, but my heart hurts every time i see a picture of you and your sister together. You're both so beautiful and i can tell that you've got a connection with her that could never be replicated.
I don't think i ever said a single word to Kenzie, except maybe a hello or two, but we're friends on FB, and when i was still at Fergus i'd always smile when i saw her in the hallway laughing with her friends.
She had a gorgeous smile and i was totally jealous of her hair.
In the months before i graduated, whenever i posted a status update, i'd always think "If Kenzie likes this, i know it's a good one." I always planned on telling her that and thanking her for actually reading what i wrote before i left the school.
For some reason, though, i kept putting it off. I wish i hadn't.
Now, i think the same thing whenever you "like" something and i'm not gonna put off the thank you.
So thank you.
and for so much more than just "liking" my posts.
Thank you for writing your blog and being honest and not holding back.
Thank you for being a real person.
Thank you for loving.
Loving your sister and Starr and your parents and everyone who has even helped just a little bit.
Even on the days when you posted something about being angry, you always put something in about one of the people you love, how they have helped you or just held you when that was all you needed.
This Christmas, i hope a lot more people are loving like you do. The world needs more people who know how to love.
So yeah. Sorry, it got kind of long, but i just wanted you to know that even though we've never been close, i still think about you and Kenzie almost every day. You're in my prayers and in my heart.
Merry Christmas, Kayla. I hope today is a good day."

Mac Miller: 
'well you're one strong motherfucker. you're an inspiration to me. i don't want to seem like one of those fake assholes either. i always genuinely mean what i say.'

Amy Fox:
"Hey Kayla,
I just really need to tell you this. Not just today, but everyday, you are an inspiration to me. First, you and your family are what families should be. Close, supportive, and never giving up. Second, you and Starr being together again, and being so in love proves that true love, no matter what bumpy road it takes to get there, really exists. Your love for your family and Starr is evident and heartwarming. And I commend you for how you have dealt with Kenzie's new life...and yours. I cannot even imagine the struggles, pain and heartache you face daily, but you try to maintain a positive and hopeful outlook. Miracles happen! And I love that you continue to believe. I'm also inspired by your ability not to "blame" anyone and keep an open heart. 

Finally, I googled "life, love, and..." and your blog was a top hit for search suggestions. Keep it up. It is definitely valuable.

I think about you and your family and Starr often, even though we have never really known each other well. I pray and will continue to pray everyday for a miracle. 

So, on this thanksgiving, I am thankful for knowing people like you."



Even if I didn't share one of your posts, I do appreciate them. If you reached out to me through Facebook, text, email or here, I thank you. I don't have very many friends or people to talk to here in Bismarck so the online community has kept me sane. 

2 comments:

  1. You truly are amazing, girlie. I remember when we first started working together, I thought you were pretty cool, and then something happened. I don't know what, but I just remember thinking we'd never be more than acquaintances. Then I got in my accident, and I remember how concerned you were. How you told me that you and Starr drove by "my tree" one night. And then less than a week later I was in the ER again, only you were the patient this time around. It was at that moment that I knew what a cool person you were, and that we would grow to become friends, at the very least. I even remember creeping on you or Starr's fb one night and seeing something Kenzie had said and thinking I wanted to meet her. And then the accident happened, and I had no idea what to think, or do, or say. I was at a loss. But somehow, you pulled through. You refused to be beaten by life. And I had so much respect for you. You are such a strong person, Kayla, I can't even fathom what's going through your head. But I can say that I'm happy to have met you. And Starr. My life is infinitely better now that you two are in it, and I will miss you so much when you move. I'll not take any of the time we have left for granted. Peace.

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